Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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