What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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