it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
