she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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