I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Randomize
