redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
