I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
