I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
