he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is this like a preordered booty call?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
