The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
