I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
