Princesses don't give blow jobs
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
