The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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