when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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