Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
