i wish starbucks made bloody marys
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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