Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
