Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
