A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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