i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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