Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
