Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
