it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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