So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Screwed.edu
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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