if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
