He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
