Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
