he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
