dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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