my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
