I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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