he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
