he wants to bone in the snuggie
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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