Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
