You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
