home. puking in laundry basket.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
