You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
