Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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