remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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