The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a hot homeless man
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
