I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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