She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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