I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
