this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
