When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
