It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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