they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
