Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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