You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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