I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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