NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
