pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
