I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
