WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
