Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
